Gentle Suggestions

This is not an advice column

What do would you do if you are wildly in love with your friend (the secretly consuming Pride and Prejudice kind) but this friend is married to your other friend and you have no intention on acting on it (because that’s nuts) but the feeling won’t go away and maybe they know? But you don’t know.

I laughed a very nervous African kind of laugh when I read your question. Africans will know what I mean.

Let me introduce you to the concept of “wahala.” It is a Hausa word for trouble or problem. A lot of Nigerians will tell you that it’s Yoruba but no, it’s a Hausa word. That is neither here nor there but this is my newsletter and I can settle West African scores and answer your question at the same time.

I try to live a life of no wahala but of course, there is always small and big wahala to be had. This felt like a big wahala kind of problem so of course, all week, I’ve been buzzing thinking about your note. It was electric to receive because well, other people’s wahala can be thrilling. I immediately wanted to know the gender breakdown and sexual orientation of everyone involved, if you were single yourself or attached and if this was white wahala or not. These thoughts really did travel at the speed of light because as they were rattling through my brain, it was also dawning on me how ungenerous and unkind my thinking was. This kind of thinking used to get me in trouble a lot. The truth is none of those things matter at all and I am sorry. We listen and we don’t judge at Crème de la Crème.

It is not a crime to have a crush.