Gentle Suggestions

This is not an advice column

Ok so wtf do I do in this political moment? I already loudly support Not the Bad Guys in elections. What else is there to do? I can’t convince my problematic relatives to not be problematic (I tried) and am disenchanted with non profits

LOL

I am not laughing at you. I am just laughing with all the Black people who understand exactly how a question like this makes me feel. I get it, we had a 920+page heads up about this situation but you are not happy with the politics of the moment. Get in line, sister.

Crème de la Crème is not in the political handholding business but maybe I will address this question another time just not in my ::Trump voice:: beautiful, beautiful advice column.

In the mean time, here we go!

i just turned 38 and my divorce is going to be finalized next month. i was married at 24 (too, too young) and got divorced at 37. no children. the divorce was a good thing and i finally feel free and relaxed. but i also feel lost. i should have spent my 20s learning about myself and figuring out who i am. instead i was married to someone i shouldn't have married. now i'm almost 40, and if someone asked me what my favorite movie is, i would have no idea. my marriage swallowed me whole and spat me out. i'm trying to figure myself out but i think this is the hardest thing i've ever done. and then dating? wading through all these men again? i don't know what to do. i have a huge 3 week solo trip planned. i have a therapist. i have a good job, and friends, and i work out and take walks, and i have pets and i live alone. but i just feel like a generic boring "person" without any real personality. how do i figure myself out?

Hmmm maybe the graphologists are right about lower case denoting a lack of confidence. I don’t want it to be true.

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on your divorce. That should be the standard reaction to divorce. Congrats, babe.

You know what’s funny is that last night, I saw a friend I hadn’t caught up with in a while and told her that I had no big headlines. “Life is very boring” were the exact words I used but she instinctively knew I meant this as a good thing. Her headline is that she is pregnant but she also reported that she is contentedly bored. She believed me and I believed her.

When I say my life is very boring, I mean that I am very stable right now. For me that is a relatively new gift and honestly, who knows how long it will last? Life, much like a marriage, can lure us into a comfortable state of parasympathetic bliss but I’m no fool. I know that the bumps are right around the corner so I will enjoy this cruising speed devoid of disturbances for as long as it lasts.

What you’re calling “generic boring person” is what I call content, emotionally well regulated person. It’s giving peaceful existence. It’s giving there’s no drama at all. You said yourself that you have a therapist, a good job, friends, pets, no roommates and that you work out and take walks. And 3 week solo trip?? Girl, the tariffs! But yeah that is bragging. You are bragging. Please check your priv.

Allow me to burst your bubble a bit: There is absolutely nothing wrong with “generic boring person” but that’s not you, babe. Divorce is a genuinely interesting situation for a woman.

You are a divorcée and that is so chic!